I am not going to pretend that I haven’t felt doubt because I have and at times it has flood through me in thick waves of doubt and trepidation of what I have been faced with everyday since Yaz.
The inner voice who I have nicknamed the inner asshole has at times tried to overwhelm me with such fear of my situation and not just what my situation currently is but the uncertainty of what tomorrow will bring or how long it will take to get my life back, my health back. Like most people, the unknown just throws me out into the ocean without a floating device but like most cases, you soon realise you can use your legs and arms to keep your head above water. I try my best to not let in those thoughts and mumble to myself on a daily basis, just one day at a time and one moment at a time.
When these thoughts pop into my mind, I do my best to instead focus on all the blessings in my life. While my body may be causing me misery, that my surroundings are safe, loving, hopeful and beautiful. I list everything that makes me feel so completely lucky that the positives outweigh the negatives and it brings me hope that one day I will also feel that about my body again as well.
I am writing this post because I feel it is important to let you know that while I do my best to stay positive and hopefully my message of hope and perseverance comes across, I think you need to know that I am human and too, face negative thoughts. It is also important to know that we have the ability to push those negative thoughts away like the rotten food they are. I know it isn’t easy and it is something you and I have to work at every day and at times when you are struggling in such a way that it makes it even more difficult but if you do try, you are instantly better off. It might not make your situation better instantly but it does in the long run as you will use those positive vibes to fuel your recovery.
It is important to remember that this is just a chapter in your life, lord knows I have had to tell myself this many times over the last few years when the constant pain or symptoms have gotten me all torn up inside but you will get past Yaz one day, I will get past Yaz one day and hopefully we all are able to create the future’s we have been dreaming of once we do.