About

My name is Jessica, preferably Jess. This blog is dedicated to my experience with the Yaz Contraception Pill by Bayer. Please understand that this is based on my experience only, this does not happen to everyone but this is for the people, it does happen too. You may not have experienced everything that I have and I may not have experienced everything that you have. This blog is purely for informational purposes only, so that if you are struggling and cannot find the answers you are looking for, this may help in pinpointing you in the right direction. Again, I am not a health professional and I would suggest seeing your GP to either get blood tests or further information that might help you figure out what is going on inside your body, to at least eliminate other possibilities before settling on this as an explanation.

I am sharing my experience because it took me a long time to figure out what was causing my body so much distress that it made it almost impossible for me to live. I felt alone and no matter how many times I went to the doctors or blood tests that I got, none could tell me what was going on inside my body. Due to the fact that I have a pre-existing Anxiety Disorder, for the first few years, this is what copped the blame but even in saying that, I remember saying many times that this anxiety felt different to what I have been dealing with since I was sixteen. I was 21 when I started the Yaz Contraception Pill and had my anxiety disorder managed at the time, was working and generally having a wonderful life.

It wasn’t until I was 22 that I started to really notice my body going downhill again and I like many I suppose, simply thought my anxiety disorder was making a come back. Until I was about 24 I had been to the doctor and my therapist more frequently to try and reign the monster back in but I would say to them that it felt different and they simply said Anxiety can change. Deep down I knew, knew my body and knew something was wrong.

While on the contraception pill, I lost interest in absolutely everything and everyone. It wasn’t just me who suffered, it was also those around me who couldn’t understand the change in my behaviour or empathise when I was struck down by a panic attack, when I became light sensitive, especially to fluro lights, when my moods would swing back and forth, never quite knowing where they would land. I began to hate being touched as my skin was super sensitive and i’d have headaches for a week at a time. My sex drive was gone, it was absolutely gone and I felt terrible every time I looked at my ex partner because to be with someone who doesn’t want to be touched, can’t access emotions without being overwhelmed, has no ability to find desire in sex and can no longer go out due to unmanageable anxiety. Well, it isn’t just one person who suffers, it is two.

And then, the crowd gets larger and it also includes friends who wonder where you’ve disappeared to, who slowly move on and forget about you. Then family who look at their child or sister and wonder where their bright and bubbly girl has disappeared too. Watching as she declines and try to help in every possible way they know how too. Holding your hand in appointments, worrying about what they can do to help you and not knowing if they’ll wake up without you. What I am trying to say is that even if you feel alone, remember the people who love you even when all you want to do is give up. Take their hand, let them in and help you find the answer. Leave behind those who make you feel worse and aren’t interested in helping you to become well. Find that piece of hope even when it is barely a whisper in the wind. I am so lucky and incredibly grateful for my family, my mum, my dad and my brother. They have helped me every step of the way even when they had no idea how to help, their support has guided me when I couldn’t find a way out.

It wasn’t just my ex partner, my friends, my life, my hobbies  I lost interest in, it was me as well, I felt separate from myself. Nothing I use to enjoy gave me pleasure of any kind. I think I had lost my hope too. It was a very dark place I found myself in and I praise the lord that I somehow found my way out of it. You don’t have to agree, and I won’t dislike you if you don’t but I truly believe the reason I finally discovered what was wrong with me was because he lead me to that site. That blogger who, to me at the time, felt like she was writing my memoir.

It never even occurred to me that the contraception pill could have been behind all my misery. In a weird turn of fate, the reason I finally started to clue in about it was when my boyfriend and I decided to break up. I didn’t see the point on being on the pill anymore as I am not the type to sleep around, and well with a nonexistent libido, it wasn’t really an issue anyway so off it I went. I didn’t expect anything to happen when I stopped taking it,  how naive I was.

To be quite honest, I don’t remember much of that first six months as what I can only describe as a form of depression settled over me. I had already no interest in anything but this went to an even further low. I sat down with my computer and didn’t look back up. It wasn’t until I saw my ex in a picture with his new girlfriend that I woke up, it was like a switch, it is hard to explain unless you’ve been through it. I honestly feel so grateful to them for shocking me out of my almost hypnotised state.

After that though, if possible, I went even further down hill. It was like my entire body had awakened, feelings, emotion, the fire in my belly, gosh it was like a total overload that I could not handle. Unfortunately by the time I figured it out, that it was Yaz, I was about ready to give up on life. I could no longer work, I had no interest in anything, not my hobbies, not my friends, not my life, my boyfriend and I had broken up, my sex drive was gone, obliterated. I couldn’t function due to my anxiety being absolutely uncontrollable.

But before I figured it out, I had gone back on the pill, hoping to find some measure of calm, some balance thinking stupidly that this pill could help me, unknowingly to me that it was the cause of my pain, discomfort and hell on earth environment my insides was displaying. I went to the doctor begging for anxiety pills, I couldn’t do it alone any longer.  I wasn’t going to survive doing it alone without the help of some calming pills. Never in my life had I thought, I would ever give in and take these pills but here I was, begging.

For a short time I felt better, but like most band-aids, they eventually come off and you have to deal with what is underneath but if you keep bumping the same wound, it will never heal. By this point, I had started to wonder about the contraception pill. It was just a theory but I discussed it with my family and after an allergic reaction to eating curry, heart palpation’s, dizziness, heavy chest to the point that I couldn’t get out of my bed and was struct with fierce shaking. I started to wonder what was I putting into my body to make it react in the way it was. If a food could cause such a reaction, perhaps what I was taking could also cause a negative reaction.

So I started to research, read, research some more and finally found a blogger who described their life and symptoms as if they were writing what my life had been for the last few years that I discovered what I truly believe to be the true reason behind my misery. I stopped the pill immediately after my family had also done their own research and we decided that this was the path I would take to find my life again. To find me again.  To survive.

When I brought up my research to my doctor, I felt upset and frustrated when she dismissed my findings to focus purely on the treatment of my anxiety. I felt another band-aid wouldn’t solve my problem, it would merely cover it once again for a short time. I wasn’t after a quick fix that wouldn’t allow me to heal. I wanted to dig deeper and heal what was truly causing my bodies imbalance. She seemed apprehensive that the contraception pill could be the cause of my misery, saying that I shouldn’t have any problems going off it. This made me retreat further into myself but every time I  began to doubt myself, I reasoned that with every withdrawal symptom I experienced, with every passing day, I became more and more convinced I was right and became more defensive every time I tried to explain it and was told my anxiety needed to be managed first and my other symptoms ignored. I did more research to back up my claim and started to write down my experience. I truly felt that my anxiety was a product of the storm that was brewing inside me and that without sorting out what was tormenting my bodies natural balance, my anxiety would never improve.

My last contraception pill was early March 2016 and I haven’t looked back since. It has been torture, I won’t lie. It has been one of the most painful experiences I have ever endured getting my body back on track. It is now September 2017 and while I am slowly, snail pace restoring my bodies health everyday, I would like to report that day by day, I am uncovering myself again and taking a step towards health, happiness and the life I have dreamed of.

This is my story.

 

Site I was referring to above:  http://yasminandyaz.blogspot.com.au

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twentysomethingtalks

Life in the eyes of a twenty-something woman